Occasionally I braid my hair before I go to bed so I can have it curly the next day. Usually, I don’t achieve desired effect because, thanks to my dehydrated hair, all that is not carefully styled results in messy appearance, and I look like I have a pile of hay on my head instead of hair. But I still braid my hair. I’m used to it, and my hair annoys me less while I sleep. Of course, I regret it the day after. I look at myself in the mirror, sigh discontentedly, put my hair in a ponytail and give promise to myself; no more braids! I usually break that promise couple of days later, and the morning after I’m in front of the mirror doing the same thing all over again.
A triviality. One almost entirely irrelevant aspect of someone’s life.
I don’t know about you, but often with the help of one of these small aspects, I can recognise a repeating pattern. The way we handle irrelevant things is usually the same way we deal with the relevant ones.
Sometimes my habit keeps me in one place for a long time. The place I’m not happy with, but in which I always find one little positive thing and conclude: It’s okay. It’s not that bad. I still have time to devote myself to harassing my existence by doing something that brings me very little joy. I still can’t give up.
Does this sound familiar to you? When you think about it, from time to time, we are real experts when it comes to not letting go of things which are not very good for us, while those which are good we often leave to chance or we give up as soon as we hit the first obstacle.
Do you ever ask yourself why? Like we are created to spend our lives torturing ourselves, making one wrong decision after another, and holding blindly to it only to be able to say: It’s not up to me, I did my best, that is just what life is.
Yes, I’m doing my best to live by habit, to hold together what I call mine no matter the worth it keeps, only to calm my ego. Maybe my bones can carry the burden of my body, but can they hold the weight of my soul? A soul that somehow always finds a way to make it difficult? To collect useless rubbish as if it’s of priceless value, only for the sake of obtaining, for the sense of importance that we feel when we do something, no matter what it is and does it make any sense.
For most of us giving up is not in our blood and that’s good. Nevertheless, I think we should carefully choose to whom and to what we will give our not giving up attitude. Hardly will our life have any significance if our narrowness and stubbornness are the first on our list, that initial impulse that drives us and gives us the false sense that we are on the right path, that we know what we are doing.
Today I’m not asking you to be persistent. Today there is no motivational message that says; when you stumble, get up and push even harder. When everything around you crashes, be patient because that means you are just a step away from happy days. All this can be true or not. That magical change or enlightenment you are waiting for can’t happen if you persevere for the wrong reasons, with the wrong people, for all the logical excuses that you say to yourself every day as soon as you open your eyes and pretend that they are the reason you get up from the bed every morning. If you always listen to the voice of reason, think how to be good to everyone all the time, how to minimise the victims and keep the false sense of control.
Forget about all of that. Today I want you to reassess yourself. Put aside everything else besides yourself. What is that you really want, what brings you a smile on your face, what is it that makes your heart jump? What is it and why it’s somewhere at the bottom of your list of priorities? Why are you compliant with it while at the same time you persist in everything that doesn’t satisfy you entirely? Why do you give justifications like; This is easier, more straightforward, stakes are low, I won’t hurt anyone like this, it’s more usual this way, this is what is expected of me, I won’t accept defeat no matter what, only weak people give up, and so on…
There will always be people who are hurt by our actions, even when we try with all forces to please them and make them happy. Think about all those times when you heard or witnessed someone who trod their personal needs, did everything in their power to make someone else happy and ended up with a list of all the wrong things they did.
“Your love strangles me!” said unhappy and crying daughter to her mother who subordinated all her life to her needs, having in mind only hers happiness.
“Your constant complaint made me hate you and oppose you in absolutely everything you say!” said a husband to a wife who believed that everyone would profit if she changed her man.
Your need to please everyone and to be kind and helpful always, people don’t see as your quality worth of admiration but serves them as a doormat on which they throw their rubbish and walk away.
So be persistent always. Never give up, live believing that that is reserved only for weak ones. Right.
It takes great courage to give up on something. Brutal sincerity towards oneself, ego pushed in the corner and silenced, pride and vanity bridled, habit broken so much that there is no way it can re-compose and harass you again.
Do you still believe that giving up is reserved only for weak ones?
Last night I didn’t braid my hair. I give up, for a start even that little thing is enough. You should give up too on all the things that don’t make you a better and happier person, whether someone else like it or not, whether it is something that the whole world approves or just a handful of people. As long as we don’t do any harm to anyone with our choices it is our right, even duty to give up…